Be sure to read the part one of this post:
Hello There,
I spoke in a previous blog post about my worst period of gender dysphoria. That miserable period of my life lasted about a year, but towards the end of it, and again recently I found some redemption for it. As I mentioned in an additional previous post, at the time of this dysphoria I was living with one of my coworkers who knew I was genderfluid. We were both suffering together while working at the same miserable job.
Now, I never had ANY desire to wear her clothes. Sneaking and wearing the clothes of a family member, girlfriend, friend, or even roommate is very common among crossdressers. Now it's not that I thought her sense of style or choice of clothes was bad, or even that she was unattractive. Quite the opposite in fact, she's very pretty and had a fun wardrobe. Its just at this point in my life I had my own wardrobe and had no desire to sneakily wear the clothes of my friend.
Well one day I was getting ready to run a load of laundry through the dryer, and I found that my roommate had left a load of laundry in the dryer. I didn't really think much of it, but out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of something special. There was her pink work polo sitting there in the dryer! Like I said, I never had any desire to wear her clothes. However when I caught a glimpse of that pink polo in the machine I seriously considered trying it on. But I resisted the urge and went about my day.
Several weeks passed and my gender dysphoria was reaching a boiling point. I discussed in a previous blog post about how I very nearly made a massive decision by attempting to manage my dysphoria at work. Since that didn't work out, my dysphoria was still running rampant at work only made worse by the separate uniform for men and women. Well as my dysphoria worsened, so too did my judgement.
Once again I was planning to do a load of laundry and once again I found her pink polo in the dryer. There was no stopping me this time, I pulled it out and planned on trying it on. To my surprise there was also her purple polo in there as well, my lucky day! I brought both into my room and threw on a pair of panties with a maxi pad, a bra, and our gender neutral work shorts. Then came my big moment, and I slipped on the pink polo.
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It's so interesting how such minor things can make some people so happy. But let me tell you all, I was feeling complete and utter euphoria wearing that polo. A year of unending gender dysphoria at work had led to this moment. At last I could see myself as I wanted to dress at work, and I looked good!! It was everything I wanted, everything I dreamed of. There are few moment's in life that gave me a greater sense of euphoria than this one. Even just looking back on these photos, gives me a high. But my fun didn't stop at pink, I had the purple one to try on as well!
Purple was just as fun to wear! The whole experience was amazing and didn't want it to end, but alas all good things do. Before my roommate got home I had to return her polos to the dryer so that she wouldn't know I had borrowed them. While it was sad to be returning them, I was still riding the high from before. Despite how brief it was, I had just lived through one of my fantasies.
Eventually, I escaped my job and moved out of the home with my former roommate. Thankfully after several more months she too was able to escape and got a new job out of state. While it was sad to see her go, more than anything I was happy that she was off to a less mentally oppressive job. While she was planning her move, she began downsizing her belongings. From this I saw an opportunity; it was a little embarrassing but I asked her if I could have her pink polo. To my relief she happily obliged! The next time I got lunch with her she handed it over, and I could feel my euphoria bubbling up all over again!
The next time I planned to wear it I was going to go all out! Wig, makeup and all! I got all glammed up and put the polo back on. There I was, the girl that should've been showing up at work some of the time. This moment was full circle for me, from extreme gender dysphoria to achieving the ultimate in feminization. Now I have the polo to wear whenever I want, and the ability to relive my moment of ultimate euphoria!
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For those of you out there that are suffering with similar levels of dysphoria, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be opportunities to experience gender euphoria at one time or another, and maybe not in the way we'd expect. Hold out hope, let let your feminine fantasies find you!
-Carly