Hello There,
I've got another post sharing some advice today, and we're talking about how to come out to people. Whether your transgender, genderfluid, or just someone who crossdresses for pleasure, it can naturally be extremely hard to share your passions with others. Much of modern society is still not accepting of members of the LGBTQ+ community, and it can be hard to judge which of your friends and family may be accepting of your gender nonconformity. I've shared previously how I've come out to several friends, and I think I've learned a trick or two about effectively coming out to people. Hopefully with the following few tips I'll help you determine how to build up the courage to start coming out to a few people!
Start Online:
Obviously it can be extremely intimidating to come out to friends and family. They are among the most positive relationships in your life and you don't want to be potentially compromising them with the "polarizing" information of enjoying aspects of the opposite gender. So my advice is to start small, talk to people you don't even know in your personal life by chatting with strangers online. There are a myriad of online communities dedicated to various gender nonconformities. Reddit would be my first recommendation! There is a vast variety of communities on reddit dedicated to gender issues such as r/trans, r/lgbt, r/crossdressing, and r/genderfluid; which are just a small handful of the huge number of active communities on Reddit. They are a great resource to talk to other people about your particular interests, through the lens of anonymity. Of course other sites like Twitter, Instagram, and Flickr all have active communities as well if you're interested in sharing photos of yourself.
Regardless of what avenue of online chatting you choose I highly recommend chatting with some people online before coming out to people in your real life. Coming out to strangers online has no effect on your actual life, and chatting with strangers of similar interests can go a long way to build up your own self confidence. Additionally chatting with likeminded individuals can help you understand yourself better, and prepare you for having to explain yourself to people you come out to. I can not recommend chatting with people online enough before coming out to people in your life. There's little to no risk involved and the rewards of self confidence and self understanding are more than worth it!
Choosing who to come out to:
After chatting with folks online you've built up the self confidence to try to come out to someone in person. But who to choose? I've got a couple of tips to help you choose. Firstly and most importantly, do you know their opinions on LGBTQ+ issues? The two people I've come out to either had friends who were gay, or were part of the LGBTQ+ community themselves. I therefore suspected they would be highly supportive of me. So when choosing someone to come out to, this can be a great metric for judging how safe a bet it is that the person you want to tell will be supportive. But maybe you're not sure of a persons LGBTQ+ opinions, or maybe they are pretty middle of the road when it comes to their opinions, what then? Well think about the nature of their relationship to you, how might you be affected if the person has a negative reaction? If it runs the risk of ruining the relationship, you should heavily way the potential consequences of coming out to them. While to some it certainly can be important to come out to people like family members, I would recommend starting with a friend first. Usually you're stuck with your family forever, friends can be fleeting, so loosing one to coming out may not be the end of the world (if they're not accepting of you it's probably not worth being their friend anyway). Additionally if you're going to make the big jump to telling a family member or romantic partner, at least you'll already have a supportive friend to talk to about it. The last thing I'll say about choosing who is to trust your gut instinct. Is this person accepting of LGBTQ+, are they a low risk person to tell, do they love you unconditionally? You'll know when you've finally found your target, trust your gut.
How to come out:
Well we've chosen who, but what about how? How to actually rip the band aid off and come out to someone? This part will probably be up to you. I read a lot about coming out stories where people cried, I've read others where there was excitement, I think it just depends on what kinda person you are. I would only recommend being very clear with your coming out, gender issues can be very confusing, especially where things get blurry like non-binary and genderfluid people. Be ready to explain yourself fully, and have an in depth conversation about your feelings. People won't respect your feelings if you can't clearly articulate them.
Another thing I will recommend is DO NOT try to shock them by dressing in front of them for the first time without any prior context. Shock tactics typically cause negative reactions! If you want to share your feminine identity with the person you are coming out to use a picture, that way they've had some context before seeing you transformed. This also protects you if they have a poor reception to you coming out and you can therefore skip the photo, which means at least they will have been unable to securitize your appearance. When choosing a photo to use I'd recommend something flattering, but not sexual in nature. I'm sure we all have quite a few naughty photos of ourselves enjoying some feminine antics, but best to play things safe when coming out, it's stressful enough as it is. I've used the following photo for when I came out to people:
Well hopefully I've helped you in one way or another to come out. Obviously it is among the most stressful things we do as gender nonconformists, but it can also be among the most important. Keeping your true identity hidden away can be immensely stressful. Finally being able to live your true life in front of friends and loved ones, will be life changing. I wish you the best of luck in your coming out journey!
-Carly