My Philosophy on Pronouns

Hello There,

    There's no end to the controversy being stirred up by the LGBTQ+ community for just existing, and preferred pronouns are probably the perfect example of unnecessary outrage. Calling someone by their preferred pronouns is among the easiest ways to be kind and courteous to gender non-conformists, especially if they've identified their preferred pronouns. I can't tell you how many times I've read online how being called Ma'am has made someone's day, or how being called Sir has made someone utterly crushed and dysphoric. It's the little moments like that which can really make or break someone's gender expression experience.

    But what about when you don't know a person's preferred pronouns? Perhaps you're just referring to someone you saw online, or recounting a story about someone you briefly met; if you don't know their pronouns how do you refer to them? I realize that this might be a hot take, as pronouns are the subject of much passion in the LGBTQ+ community, but I believe when you don't know someone's pronouns, that referring to someone as the pronouns which most closely align with the gender they are presenting as is totally acceptable. Sorry if I'm stirring up controversy with that one, but if I don't know your preferred pronouns I'm just going to default to what you most resemble: he/him or she/her. What about the case that someone appears androgynous, or seems to embrace both genders? A perfect time to use they/them! Ultimately, just having some observational skills and a little common sense goes a long way.

    That being said, what are my pronouns? Well easy peasy, if I'm presenting as a male: He/Him, if I'm presenting as a female: She/Her. Since I'm genderfluid both sets of pronouns apply depending on what gender I'm presenting as. This is why I've developed the philosophy of using pronouns for how people present. I'd imagine that the safe bet for most people is to just call them by the pronoun that most resembles their appearance. Regardless of how well they pass, if they're walking around in a dress with a wig, she/her is probably a safe bet. But if I'm walking around in my everyday guy wear, I'd rather not be called Ma'am. 

-Carly