Hello There,
The desire to crossdress is extremely unique, and can feel like quite an isolating experience for people. But could you imagine your surprise at finding out a family member is also a crossdresser, let alone your own father?! Well crossdresser Kristin Rivers went through this very discovery and talked all about it, in her self written article in issue 33 of LadyLike Magazine. The article is transcribed below, enjoy reading all about Kristen and Jean's experience discovering that they were both secretly crossdressers!
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There is nothing more complex nor so endearing than the special bond between a father and a son. Indeed, we see these relationships forged in our literature and through modern theatrical productions. Some stories end tragically, others end triumphantly, but all emphasize the unspoken and sometimes mysterious relationship which nobody can deny. So, as it happened one summer day while I was home from college, my life and my father's life would be inextricably bonded in a way which nobody could have ever imagined.
I grew up in South Florida. My parents were divorced when I was 10. I lived with my mother and my sister while my father was allotted the legal right to see us on weekends. I suppose it was because of this, I had an extra special yearning to want to please him and make him proud of me. I wanted to be like him in so many ways. He was smart, good looking, athletic, a respected professional in our community, very funny, charming with the ladies and a terrific dancer. Growing up in his image was difficult for me. Deep in my heart, I knew I was different than other boys. I had known about my other self as far back as I could remember. I had wanted to be a girl and dress like a girl from the earliest stages of my memory. How could I ever describe these feelings to my father. I knew this would be unacceptable to him. Unacceptable even to a man who proclaimed over and over again how I could tell him anything and be anything and he would love me nonetheless. These are grand words, but clearly some things should be left unsaid. Let's face it, telling your father that you secretly went through your mother's closet and put on her clothes was not what he meant by being able to tell him, "anything."
Like many transgendered individuals, I had to wrestle with my inner most feelings versus my outer most reality. Running away from home or skipping town after high school to "become a woman" was not an option I saw as possible. My other self would take second place and be buried deep in the recesses of my mind as I embarked on my college career. As it was, I had returned home after my freshman year of college for the summer. For me, this was an opportunity to do something I had only dreamed of while growing up. I would be able to live with my father. Ironically, at the same time I had decided to return home for the summer, my father was hoping to do something he had only dreamed of while he was growing up.
This was to be his summer to experiment. He had an opportunity to find his second self because he and his second wife decided to take time off from each other since they were experiencing difficulties in their marriage. Gaining this freedom, he intended to use the time to shave his body and "dress up" after getting home from work. Clearly, my living with him was going to make this very difficult, if not impossible.
I was oblivious to the fact that in his joy of having me live with him for the summer, he secretly held contempt in this decision for reasons I would have never imagined. This was to be his summer to be free. To unshackle the bonds of his masculine self and to experience the woman within. Now I was living with him, and the freedom which he had so much desired was stifled once again for fear that I, his son, would never understand. Without me really noticing, he walked around in clothes which covered his shaved legs and his shaved chest. He was unable to set himself free and once again, he became closeted in his own home. It was then, he had made the decision to tell me about himself.
And so it happened, he asked me to come home after work one day and spend some time with him. Time to talk, time to reflect on life and what it was like for him all these years to live with an unspeakable secret. Time to share with his son his deepest and darkest thoughts. Time to lay everything on the line and be prepared to pay the price for freedom. With fear, trepidation and a slight trembling in his voice, he began to tell his tale. He began by speaking in circles but never really getting to the point. Indeed, it took about twenty minutes before he had gathered enough personal strength before finally revealed his secret.
"My first experience that I can remember was to paint my nails when I was 4, but I was ridiculed by the other kids in my building and I knew immediately that this was not the type of thing a little boy does."
He told me how he always tried to compensate for his feminine feelings during his teenage years. At the age of 1 7, he lifted weights and became the number 2 gymnast in New York City on the parallel bars. He always liked girls and in order to impress them at parties, he learned how to dance. However, despite all of this, he was unable to shed his thoughts of wanting to go to bed at night and, "wake up in the body of Sophia Loren."
Following high school, there was college, then marriage, then graduate school, then one day, an announcement from his wife that she was pregnant. This was when
I came into the world. Now the circle was complete. The
boy who had so much wanted to be a girl found himself to be a 25 year old married man having to raise a family.
Despite his wife "knowing" about his inner most desires to dress as a woman and "feel" like a woman, he held
everything inside, trapped and alone. It was just three years
later my sister was born.
But this marriage failed, not because of the dressing, but simply because it was not meant to be. It was not too much longer after that my father met the woman who was to become his second wife. Just like my mother, this woman knew of my father's "other self." They had several good years together but in the end, things began to fall apart. The desire to dress had become much to strong for her to deal with despite the fact she said she, "enjoyed" and could accept this side of him.
I sat and listened to everything he told me. I sat not saying a word. He told me about his fears of being caught while growing up and how on a few occasions he did get caught but always came up with some crazy excuse to justify why he was dressing up. I showed very little emotion while he was telling me his tale. All I did was smile. Later, 1 would find out my non-emotional response and my grin was beginning to anger him. Despite this, he wanted me understand that he was still my father, that these feelings had always been within him but he loved me dearly and this would never change the fact that he was my father and I was his son.
"We were on the dock in the back of my house. I told my son I was a crossdresser. He smiled at me and I became angry because I was describing to him how difficult my life had been. I did not think this was very funny. This was very hard for me and so I continued to talk about crossdressing and he continued to smile."
Yes I was smiling. Here I was, sitting, watching, listening to my own father tell me about his life as a crossdresser. At first I thought, "Wait a minute, does he know about me? Is this some crazy way for him to get on my level and talk to me about myself?" Of course this is the normal paranoia common among many transgendered individuals. I thought there was no way this could really be happening, but what if this was true!1 What if my father was just like me, what if I was just like my father and as we all know, the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
"Finally," as my father tells the story, "I said to my son I expected him to be more mature about my revelation and asked what he thought was so funny. He looked at me and said everything is okay, he was a crossdresser too! Well, I almost fell off the dock!" We talked for well over 5 hours that night. Later, he would tell me how awful he felt that I would have to go through many of the same difficulties he had experienced or that society would keep me from finding true joy and happiness in my life. In a sense, he felt as if this was his fault in some strange way. I said to him, "Dad, you have given me life. I have my health, I have a good head on my shoulders, I have everything to be thankful for. This is part of my life, it always has been there and it always will be."
Our relationship has never been better. We are father and son, "mother and daughter," and we are best friends. We laugh about stories such as the time my mother had blamed him tor taking a pair of her underwear and he swore over and over again he didn't do it, it must have been the maid. She never believed him and now he knows it was I who got him in trouble. Over the years, my father has participated in many conferences supporting the transgendered community. He has told our story at many colleges, universities and medical schools. We go out together, we both love to dance, and we even have performed on stage together. I am far more open about myself to my friends and my family than my father ever was at my age.
I am thankful he and others like him have led the way for a better world. Understanding the terrible fear he grew up with, I have begun to take on causes I feel passionate about. I am doing everything I can to educate and promote what being transgendered means. I want people to know how we as a community, as individuals and as people can contribute to society and not live in fear of being who and what we are.
Telling a child about your other self is a difficult thing to do. In our case, it was one of the best things that ever happened to us. Some years later, my father took it upon himself to tell my sister. Unfortunately, this did not go over well at all. So what's the lesson to be learned here?
Take heart and expect the unexpected. Consult professional counselors or therapists to evaluate your personal situation. But most of all, no matter what you do, be happy, be strong, be free and be yourself. In my father's words, "I wish all of you who read this can experience all the joy and good times you can have by being who you are and stop hiding from yourself."
Check out the photo gallery below to see more picture of both Jean and Kristin:
Kristin Rivers (Son/ Daughter)
Jean Rich (Father/Mother)
Mother and Daughter Together
Wow, what an unbelievable circumstance for the two of them! I truly can not fathom the joy the two of them got to share as a Mother/Daughter pair, both exploring the world of crossdressing together. I'm sure the support network the two of them built with each other was invaluable, especially given the years of dysphoria the two suffered. I know we all long for a positive relationship like this, so I hope you all enjoyed reading their story as much as I did.
-Carly
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